I have Things to Report.
But first, you have to go vote in the New Year's Party contest I entered. My doll is small (and thus right on top!), but actually one of the best I've ever done. (And I made her with that contest in mind, because the host specifically asked me to enter.)
The
Academy Award nominees are in. It's a combination of the obvious, the interesting, the "nice but not serious," and the relieving. If
Cold Mountain didn't get nominated for Best Picture, it can't win. Not that I'm against the movie, but I'd have been quite irritated if it beat out films I liked much better. I have to wonder if RotK is doing well partly as a nod to the whole set... not that it's not great (of course it is!), but
Fellowship was probably better and
it didn't win a Golden Globe.
Not that I'd complain if it won, of course. ;)
I have a confession to make. Sometimes there are gaping wholes in my blog. I'm afraid I break the trend and entirely leave out things I'm having trouble with. I've been struggling with my honors project for a long time... losing interest in the topic while simultaneously (and quite literally) going crazy worrying about it. I had a minor crisis over break and concluded that I was going to continue after all. Things fell apart last weekend. The trigger event wasn't big in itself, and it certainly wasn't one of Sarah's freight trains... but it was certainly a small car. I was an emotional wreck for various periods Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, while I worked through what I wanted to do. Continue, or drop?
The trouble was that either would be painful, just as the decision-making process was painful. It's hard to explain that to folks who weren't present during the break downs. (My sister, my roommate, and maybe my mom.) Similarly, it's hard to get across just how bad shape I was in over the project itself. I'm a compulsive worrier, and I'm always stressed about
something. But this was costing me sleep (as in lie awake worrying and feeling miserable," not "stay up working"), preying on my mind, making me ill, and taking the joy out of everything else I did.
I've decided not to continue with political sciene honors. I've dropped the class, and added astronomy. Astronomy is cool, and they have nifty slide shows of lectures. The main point of a major research project in one's final semester of college is too explore something of interest. But I'm not nearly as interested as I thought I was (one of the things about lots of research is that it really does settle these questions), and the process is actually painful. I want to do other things with my life. My dad the college prof and my advisor both agree that this is reasonable, rational, and entirely valid decision. It's what best for me, it doesn't ruin my life or mean I'm slacking off or coping out (obsessive-compulsive worker Salli needed assure on this point), it doesn't mean I can't still graduate with honors according to my grades, and I
have actually completed one large research project as a college student. It's
okay.
Do I still have doubts? Of course. This was a painful, difficult decision. I really do believe I've done the right thing, but that doesn't mean I'm entirely home free. Maybe it shouldn't me. If I could blithely drop my honors project, maybe I'd really be as unreliable as I'm afraid I am. But I think?no, I
know?I'll be happier this way, in the long run. Perhaps it's my turn to learn to let go.
I should be wrapping up. I have astronomy class now, you know.
